famished for meaning

sorry, i don’t really intend to turn this into a blog where i only post random news stories that amuse me but this one just could not be passed up:

President Bush got in a muddle when he tried to show of his new iPod.

The President was trying to show how cool he was as he showed off the music player in the Oval Office.

But he blundered when he called American Pie singer Don McLean ‘Dan’, says the Mirror.

And then he seemed to get confused when he tried to explain how the iPod worked.

“I get the shuffle and then I shuffle the shuffle,” he told confused reporters.

Source

i know i shouldn’t even bother pointing out the obvious but i can’t help myself: mr. shuffle the shuffle is the man responsible, THE man incharge of trying to fix eye-rack and more or less the entire bloody world??

i have no words.

none.

i am just going to retreat to my corner and shuffle the shuffle and listen to ‘mad world‘.

RIYADH (Reuters) - Four Saudi women teaching in a remote village school have married their driver so they can live closer to work, Al-Watan newspaper said on Monday.

The newspaper said the women from Al-Baha province in south-west Saudi Arabia were impressed with the man’s “good morals” and decided to marry him and live together in the village where they teach — avoiding a tiring daily commute.

They were married in a short ceremony, and have agreed to pay the driver a share of their monthly salaries, Al-Watan said. Women are not allowed to drive in Saudi Arabia, while men can marry up to four women according to Islamic law.

Source

Well, i guess that’s one way to get around that whole annoying li’l problem of not being allowed to drive…

i love how a lot of my virtual friends know me so well. ali nailed it on my old blog with a comment about how my relationship prevents me from thinking out loud online, the way i used to. and that is practically all i spoke about: love, relationships, marriage along with some bitching about paki men (which i SO can’t do anymore!), religion and bushy boy.

i’ve lost my anger and steam.

i need more than words.

i am feeling increasingly sick of the lack of action - baron is out there, marching for what he believes in while i am still trying to figure out what i believe in.

i asked the boy today whether he knew what he wanted and he said yes.

i envied him so much because what i want changes everyday. i have a new plan almost every day and a new desire almost every day. i decide to get married one day, decide that i could NEVER do that the next day, make plans to move out and then realize i love mommy and daddy too much. i think about going off to afghanistan (i have become obsessed with the place) to fight for womens rights there, then figure i must take my trip to thailand first or buy my car.

and nothing changes.

i never act on any of it.

from the outside, i look like such a stable person, with jobs and men that i stick to for years. internally, i fight everything everyday; i hate stability as much as i love it. i fear change more than anything yet i crave it.

the boy often hates the way i am because of my new plans every day which i never follow through with. i told him that it sucks to be me because its even worse - i am the one doing all this thinking, while not following through with it.

indecisiveness is such a bitch.

i know i am childish in my desire to be ‘different’ - i am such a cliche - i don’t want to end up like everyone else but i will; i already have.

my friend just gave birth to a baby and sent me pictures. i was horrified looking at it because it represented so much responsibility and change of lifestyle. i’d die if that THING was mine and i had to wake up in the middle of the night to take care of it and change its diapers and allow it to suck my tits.

eww.

fucking hell, i really thought i’d be more grown up by 27. i have acquired most of the symbols - job, gym membership, travel plans, about to buy my first car, etc but i really don’t know if i want it. i know its all necessary though.

you know, this sort of a whiny, incoherent post belongs on the old blog, which by the way (if i don’t change my mind AGAIN), will be going live soon. i no longer give a shit if the whole world knows who i am - i can’t be one of the anonymous fuckers on the internet, writing strong opinions and words that they are too afraid to stand by.

so yeah, this is my update - same ol’ crap.

also, in other random news, i encourage everyone (except ali) to buy this poster.

and in even more random news, michael jackson hired out a water park in dubai (he invited lots of parents and children to join in the fun) and roamed around in a white lycra body suit.

scary shit.

“We must help and pray for those ravaged by this disaster, but let us not forget that the citizens of New Orleans tolerated and welcomed the wickedness in their city for so long,” Marcavage said. “May this act of God cause us all to think about what we tolerate in our city limits, and bring us trembling before the throne of Almighty God,” Marcavage concluded.

yep, someone actually said that.

oh and if that wasn’t enough, i got this little gem from here:

Rev. Bill Shanks, pastor of New Covenant Fellowship of New Orleans, also sees God’s mercy in the aftermath of Katrina — but in a different way. Shanks says the hurricane has wiped out much of the rampant sin common to the city.

The pastor explains that for years he has warned people that unless Christians in New Orleans took a strong stand against such things as local abortion clinics, the yearly Mardi Gras celebrations, and the annual event known as “Southern Decadence” — an annual six-day “gay pride” event scheduled to be hosted by the city this week — God’s judgment would be felt.

“New Orleans now is abortion free. New Orleans now is Mardi Gras free. New Orleans now is free of Southern Decadence and the sodomites, the witchcraft workers, false religion — it’s free of all of those things now,” Shanks says. “God simply, I believe, in His mercy purged all of that stuff out of there — and now we’re going to start over again.”

The New Orleans pastor is adamant. Christians, he says, need to confront sin. “It’s time for us to stand up against wickedness so that God won’t have to deal with that wickedness,” he says.
(Source)

you see that?? stop shedding tears for the poor people of new orleans, it is at least now abortion free! plus, southern decadence got cancelled and what more could good, god fearing christians ask for?? so what if thousands are rendered homeless or dead? at least the gays did not get to parade around, celebrating sodomy and their false religion and their false god!

yayyyy for hurricane katrina!

…you know what i don’t understand? when a muslim says something so infinitely stupid and MEAN, it gets SO much coverage. it is analysed for days on end on CNN and BBC and all the moderate muslims are forced to abandon their 9 to 5 lives, come forward and defend their religion, the religion of peace and all that.

this reverend should really receive the same treatment or better yet, be shot for what he said. instead, because he is a god fearing christian, no one really gives a shit - i had trouble locating the original quote.

what amuses me the most is the amount this guy has in common with your usual mullah, who at this precise moment must be attributing this act to his own god, as revenge for america’s policies and presence in iraq! he spouts his nonsense after friday prayers and our good reverend says the same crap, different god, on sundays.

i don’t know who the fuck came up with religion but it needs to go.

completely.

UPDATE:

i found rev’s best friend!!

presenting Mr. Muhammad Yousef Al-Mlaifi:

“The Terrorist Katrina is One of the Soldiers of Allah…”.

“this wind, which completely wiped out American cities in these days, is a wind of mercy and blessing. It is almost certain that this is a wind of torment and evil that Allah has sent to this American empire.”
(Source)

Library lends out people

A library in Holland is lending out people, as well as books, in a new initiative aimed at challenging stereotypes.

People can borrow gay people, gipsies and Muslims for an hour and talk to them about their lives, reports Nu.nl.

Jan Krol, director of the public library, in Almelo, said one of his assistants came up with the idea.

He added: “It’s a good way to challenge stereotypes. Clients can lend out a Muslim woman in a head scarf and ask her the questions they wouldn’t dare to if they met on the street.”

The library has contacted ten people from different backgrounds who are willing to have a chat with library visitors in a pub near the library.

such measures really make me wonder about the kind of world we’re living in…especially since even to me, it actually doesn’t seem like such a terrible idea.

for some reason, this reminds me of “the whore of mensa“, a short story by woody allen. if you’ve read it, you’d remember that men used to buy time with “prostitutes” who could stimulate them mentally.

well, in a way, now you CAN rent out people who will stimulate you mentally, by telling you about their experiences and lives and thereby, perhaps ridding you of your biases and broadening your views.

like i said, that’s just fucking weird.

and perhaps much needed.

p.s: i had to change the title for the post from “fucking weird” to just weird because my stupid service provider BLOCKED the page, because the word “fucking” was in the url.

bastards.

the days leading up to my birthday were horrible. everyone around me was acting retarded and suspicious. i was convinced that i would end up having the worst one ever - yes, even worse than last year when the psycho ex girlfriend of the boy i was dating turned up at his house at 4 a.m. and broke everything in his house!

i was thinking about just sitting at home and sleeping it off but i wasn’t allowed to. one of my friends sent me this e-mail after i whined about how i did not want to do anything, about how i wanted to be left alone:

yes, whether you like it or not, kicking and screaming, you have to be dragged through the whole getting older thing. Actually let me remind you why we celebrate. Yes i have to bring in the apes, jungle, genetics…i know you love the arguments. Its to celebrate the fact that you have managed to reach a luscious delectable age of 27, escaped natural calamities, typhoons and stuff, dreadful wild animals ( i don’t mean the male variety of our species) who might have had you for dinner…or in your case should i say a snack. So fuck the typical response of ‘oh my gawd i want to be a pre-pubescent with a pea for a brain’ and go out and have fun. Celebrate!!

i love this girl!

so anyway, the boyfriend knew that i wasn’t interested in going to a stupid club and being surrounded by strangers so he threw a surprise party for me - which wasn’t such a big surprise because everyone had been acting SO weird that day that i knew something was up. but it was BRILLIANT because a lot of friends were there and the boy took care of every single detail, down to the kinda music i like, my favourite cake, the helium balloons, confetti, alcohol and FIREWORKS!!

unfuckingbelievable.

and the next day, i was treated to flowers, lunch, a massage at some place and a spa treatment!

and the day AFTER, when i had thought that it was all over, he gave me my gift:

an iPod!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and a playboy bunny mug:)!

i am completely impressed by the boyfriend who has by now more than made up for his suspicious and retarded behaviour of last week (which i could not have dealt with, without the extremely wise kristie’s advice - thanks, babe).

however, the boy has some major competition because i am falling in love with the iPod…although i actually had SO much trouble installing it and getting it to work that i am actually NOT that impressed with my first experience with an apple product (sorry baron, i know you’re a mac man).

plus, i got a TON of wishes from everyone i know in my city, everyone from back home and everyone online!!

so basically, i’d say that this has to be the best birthday EVER - turning 27 and becoming a budhee* isn’t so bad when you’re surrounded by such awesome people and so much love!

*old woman

i read a fantastic book (the kite runner) over the weekend…i actually had to skip work on saturday, because i didn’t sleep till seven in the morning - it was one of those books that i couldn’t put down.

immediately after, i looked up reviews of it online. i was slightly depressed to read the criticism, a lot of which was admittedly well-deserved: “contrived”, “implausible plot turns”, “cliched”, “whiny, pathetic hero”, etc. and of course, the timing - shortly on the heels of the war on afghanistan, a touching story about an afghani boy is told. charming.

i still loved it though.

there are few things comparable to being absorbed completely in someone else’s world, via visuals or words. selfishly, it helps us forget or mimizes our problems, for the problems worthy of being communicated through film and books are often far bigger than a bad hair day or a job one hates.

the book revolved around two childhood friends and one’s desperation to earn his father’s love and approval. he was willing to go to any length for it, and he did. and he got what he wanted but it didn’t feel as good as it should have, because of the cost he paid for it.

i think almost everyone can relate to wanting to make the parents feel proud, happy and make them love us.

i think i am still doing it.

i realized, with quite a shock last night, that almost all of my desire to settle down had to do with the look i imagined on my parents faces, on hearing the news. while quite unlike most paki parents, they haven’t paired me off with someone yet, nor tried to arrange any marriage, i know that it is right there…they want to see their kids ’settled’ before the end of their lives. and while i don’t really want to marry, nor believe that it could last forever (for me), sometimes, i know that i would do it, simply to please them.

so much in my life revolves around pleasing them…

i am still living with them, primarily because of that hurt look i’ll get if i tell them i am moving out.

i have started to chase huge commissions and paychecks, only to ensure that my parents never have to worry about money, as they grow older. i want to see them taking vacations, buying their dream cars and house, playing golf and enjoying their years, not having to worry about a thing.

almost all my focus, as i grow older, is on making them happy. and it is not in a self-sacrifical, noble, holier than thou way. it’s just in a laid back, ‘i am doing this because i want to, because they deserve it’ kinda way.

i want to be the best daughter…i have their love and affection and the thought of losing it terrifies me.

i suppose that’s why i could relate to the little boy in the book, who did quite a horrible thing, just because his fathers love was more important to him, than anything else in the world.

i question myself often though…am i just hiding behind my parents and their goals? i even wonder whether i will end up hating them for the amount of influence they unknowingly exert on each decision of mine.

may be in a couple of decades, i will regret all that i did, but for now, it just feels right.

*********************

also, on another note, i haven’t been posting much because i am suffering from the “shit, i am growing a year older” blues. the big day is only three days away and i’m depressed…i was supposed to be in amsterdam or anywhere else. however, obviously, due to my laziness and that of those who were supposed to accompany me, it never panned out. and i am stuck with the same superficial crew that i don’t really want to be with, but HAVE to invite. i wish my blog/virtual friends, who feel more real than the real life friends i have, were here…

if i write in the next few days, it is ONLY going to be to whine excessively, like a li’l bitch.

consider yourself warned.

Gasp!! I sat there in shock. And as the gravity of what had just happened became clearer, the shock turned to grief. The gasps turned into wailing. It couldn’t be. Life was not supposed to be this way. How could Amitabh get killed. He was ‘Muqaddar ka Sikandar’. He was the hero. Heroes don’t die. They always win. What would become of the world now that the savior lay dead. I would never get to meet him now. I was inconsolable. I was still in grieving next day in class 1C. During recess a cheeky bastard said Amitabh was just an actor and he was a fake. I kicked his ass. Sorry, Abdul Kareem Ice Cream (It was funny then). That incident earned a call to mom.

She concocted this whole story about Amitabh faking his death to trick the badies. This made some sense. But I needed solid proof. Mom had lied about the tooth fairy last year. That friday dad grabbed another pirated bollywood movie. Sure enough there was super cop. Talking smack and kicking ass. The world was going to be okay afterall. Faith was restored. Mom wasn’t such a big liar. For weeks after that I would sing ‘Rotay hoay aate hein sab’ while riding my bicycle to and from school. I would stand on the pedals, Hands off handles, Doing lazy Ss, the works. Good Times.

But dont let that story leave you with an impression of life bollywooded. Movies were a special occasion. To be enjoyed by the whole family. Once a month, maybe. And they were sources of material for the obligatory entertainment routines. We weren’t allowed in the drawing room with guests. Lest we embarrass our parents with our manners and gluttony. But at a certain point during the evening we would be entered to perform our tableau and earn our treats before being sent of to bed. I had a repertoire of numbers down pat. A good entertainer keeps his material fresh and is always ready for an encore. I specially liked doing “Aega Shehri Babu, tum dil pe rakho qabu”. Another favourite was “Jaanoo meri Jaan, Mein tere Qurbaan” and I would cheekily subsitute Pakistan for Hindustan in the next line to even greater applause.

Somehow, we managed to remain cute and not be the “prepubescent little dorks”, that rocky mentioned in her comments a couple of posts ago. We even grew up to be abnormally honest, sincere, even innocent. In later years, we saw a lot more movies and TV, even stuff we wish we hadn’t seen. We were raised by our parents though, and that seems to have been the dominating factor. I really believe children mirror the adults around, not just in words and actions but also in attitudes.

(guest post courtesy of the artist formerly known as alibhai)

i hadn’t heard about the dove ad campaign nor come across it until yesterday. i went to amy’s site, who said that she started some shit on justin’s site because she got pissed off by what she read.

he was picking on fat women.

actually no, thats not fair. he said:

“Real beauty = Being a chunky fat woman?”

as expected, his audience, which consists mainly of horny boys drooling over nipple slips and teenage celebrities, went wild with it and slammed the campaign because they did not want fat women splashed all over the billboards and TV screens.

you know what? fair enough.

although i don’t think those women are fat at all, i really couldn’t be arsed about the opinions of justin and his band of horny boys.

however, i decided to write about it after loki left a link to it in the comments.

i kept going back to the website and reading their tagline:

“real women have real curves”

and i kept getting more pissed off.

because you know what?

some woman have curves. some women don’t. some women are fat while some are thin.

they are ALL real women.

i’m a size 4 - i don’t have the curves that a size 12 woman does.

am i less real? is it my turn to feel ashamed about my body? is that what we are going to do now? are we going to start a “fat is phat” or “fat is the new pink”campaign?

i am sure that there are a lot of skinny women out there feeling pissed off and offended because they don’t have curves and are, at least according to dove, not ‘real women’.

i think its a great idea to use women of different sizes in an ad campaign. it’s good to encourage acceptance of all sizes. it’s brilliant that they are talking about ‘real beauty’.

but it’s not okay to do it at the cost of alienating the skinny lot.

and don’t tell me that they won’t do that. all the comments on different sites, forums or blogs now have a “thank god we’re being shown real women, not those skinny coke head freaks” feel to them.

this guy said (in defense of the campaign):

They are average, normal American women….

These women tend to be the ones who write cute love notes on the waxed paper that wraps your PB&J, my friend. They are usually not coke-snorting freaks with a warped sense of reality–where fake tits, must-have “help” or nannies, and a carrot-only diet is the way to go. Model-like women are really the abnormal ones. Rarely do normal, bring-home-to-mom model-types exist. Trust us.

so skinny chick = freak or bitch or less loving?

thanks a lot!

and i love how the marketing department of dove is pretending they’re geniuses that have discovered something new, by saying:

“It is our belief that beauty comes in different shapes, sizes and ages,” said Philippe Harousseau, Dove’s marketing director on the “Campaign for Real Beauty.”

no shit, sherlock.

“Our mission is to make more women feel beautiful every day by broadening the definition of beauty.”

or coming up with one that celebrates curves, thereby excluding non-curvy women, which in any case does not happen to be the target market, since you ARE selling an intensive firming lotion to the curvaceous lot. oooh, did i forget to mention that priceless bit of information?

yep, real women have REAL curves but they still need to be firmer.

bottom line? weight does not define how ‘real’ you are and has nothing to do with your beauty. i applaud the effort but i HATE the tagline.

and the underwear.

i mean, who the fuck wears white cotton underpants?!

i don’t know if any of you have come across this one yet:

drink ads ordered to use ugly men!

Drinks companies have been ordered to use uglier men in their advertising campaigns.The Advertising Standards Authority believes “balding” and “paunchy” men would be less likely to encourage women to drink to achieve social success.The new advertising code stresses that links must not be made between alcohol and seduction.

A campaign for popular sparkling drink Lambrini has become the first to fall foul of the new rules.

The Authority objected to a poster which showed three women “hooking” a slim, young man in a parody of a fairground game.

The industry regulator instructed the firm: “We would advise that the man in the picture should be unattractive - ie overweight, middle-aged, balding etc.

ridiculous, isn’t it?

first of all, ‘ugly’ is a horrible word (when used to describe the way someone looks). secondly, to then bracket someone who is MIDDLE AGED (since when did age have anything to do with looks??? and isn’t brad pitt over forty?) or overweight or balding as that is even worse!

this is so goddamn hypocritical - for as long as i can remember, beer ads (aimed at men) have been showing hot women. in fact, almost all advertising aimed at men shows a chick with big tits, long legs, big hair, red nails and mouth, going ga-ga over the man for using that particular brand. and you know, its all good since it’s just a woman, and she was always meant to be decorative anyway.

but now that we’re objectifying MEN and using the hotter ones in ads, to encourage women to do (bad, bad) things like drinking beer (i find their faith in the power of advertising quite misplaced, to begin with), it’s suddenly all wrong.

i can’t believe they are allowed to get away with this crap.

however, on the plus side, based on their stupid qualifications for ugly, my dad (and most of the adult male population) can finally star in a commercial!