lowest common denominator
so i went to watch an act yesterday at a stupid club. they’re called the funjabi’s - a play on the word ‘punjabi’ which refers to people that hail from the north of india (or pakiland). like most things in life, the act pissed me off. some bits were funny, sure…it was the white guy that just made me so mad that i wanted to lunge across and bitch slap him into oblivion. actually wait, it wasn’t him, it was the audience.
he wasn’t the LEAST bit funny. his stand up routine consisted of coming on stage, saying something stupid, then singing a hindi song (to the absolute amazement and delight of the desis) and when that didn’t work, he’d shout ‘bhenchod’ and the audience just about wet themselves - ‘OH MY GOD, it’s a gora speaking OUR language’ hai, hai, what a moment!! then he went on to sing a truly stupid song to the tune of a classic hindi song about how his shoes are from japan, his watch is gucci, his shirt is from armani, his cap is russian but HE is an ‘english hindustani’ at heart.
all the desis felt validated - a gora who wants to be a desi??? it is a bloody miracle, i tell you!!
they went wild and cheered and clapped.
i was MAD - really, really mad.
i wanted to get up and tell them, “you fucking fools, you paid 75 dirhams to see some gora make chutias out of you by ruining our songs and saying ‘bhenchod’? would you be so entertained if i got up on stage and said bhenchod? NO! because you are idiots - you are easily entertained by anyone of a different color using your language because you are still suffering from the colonial hangover - you aren’t over the british raj - you are out to prove a point. does a gora get entertained when you speak in english? NO, they EXPECT you to speak in english.”
my ex-boss looked like a gora, although he is an arab - years of american schooling and university also gave him an american accent. he was fascinated by india, bollywood, the culture, and he wanted to become a desi. he still does. but he also laughed at how easy it was for him to become the centre of attention at a desi party…all he really had to do was bust out some of the hindi (especially all the bad words that i taught him) and drop the names of a few actresses and all the desis would be in fits - once again, ‘hai, hai, what a moment - dekha?? now THEY want to be like US!”.
indian papers report all the time that hollywood is now copying their films. their stars have managed to get bit parts in a jackie chan film (as the exotic indian princess) - they are no longer being portrayed as doctors and pharmacists. they LOVE going on about how the west is now aping the east…
don’t they realize that by giving so much importance to anything/everything western, they are obviously still worshipping the gori chamri (white skin)? i hate how everything boils down to language, region, caste, race, color…i hate how every desi writer out there capitalizes on his desiness by constantly talking about stereotypes, most of which don’t even exist anymore. i hate how the theme of the show last night revolved around the token gora and arranged marriages - the fact that there wasn’t a SINGLE couple in the club that had had an arranged marriage said SO much (they kept on trying to find someone, but everyone who was married had had a love marriage).
the club was full of the city’s poshest, most educated crowd (half of them were the usual u.k. desis, since this act hails from the u.k.). i guess that’s why i am even more shocked that they couldn’t see past the lame, cheap attempt at humor. the script was silly, one wouldn’t walk out of there retaining even a single line or moment (and off the top of my head, i can recall quite a few classic bill hicks, eddie izzard or jack handey lines) and the skits were pathetic.
honestly, the “comedians” were let off easy - they sat up one night, decided that they’d put their gora friend on stage, make him sing an indian song and cuss a bit, and the desis would laugh a lot because they immediately felt better about themselves.
the funjabi’s really had the last laugh.
