Comments on: rocky the romantic? who would’ve thunk it?

by: rahul

Mon, 27 Jun 2005 09:09:08 +0100

mmm.. touching… despite (and perhaps, because of) de shagging bit
seriously… we tend to ignore de effect of our parent’s love lives on our own beliefs in love… for good or for bad? ummm… de jury’s out on dat one, though de rock star’s not!

by: silver tassles

Fri, 24 Jun 2005 22:09:23 +0100

Ditto Jon and Ali.

by: ali

Fri, 24 Jun 2005 02:13:34 +0100

Ditto, Jon

by: Red Baron

Thu, 23 Jun 2005 19:49:36 +0100

My parents split up when I was 2 and I split from my ex when my kids were 2 and 6 months. Sometimes the nastiest decision you have to make is just to acknowledge that things are over and there isn’t any way to get back, it was a 9 year old relationship. Had I stayed with my ex and tried to get through I would have been a shell of a man and the example that set to my kids was that life is worthless and their father had no genuine integrity.

There is no redeeming reason for staying together for the children it benefits neither them in the long run nor the parents. Ultimately tho’ one must remember that it can often be for quite understandable but selfish reasons. Had I stayed with my ex, the real reason would have been the fear of seeing my children far less, as it is I had to sacrifice the quantity of time for a quality of time that might be better for them and thereby me.

As for marriage, or long-term relationships in general the key is to be able to talk, because in 30 years time if you can’t do that you won’t be able to do any of the other! Many people make the mistake of thinking that when the honeymoon period is over that somehow the magic is gone and it’s all over.

Now Rocky, about that tart in your neighbourhood….!!

by: Jon

Thu, 23 Jun 2005 18:34:09 +0100

My parents stayed together “for the kids sake” and I sometimes wish they hadn’t.

by: Kristie

Thu, 23 Jun 2005 15:11:37 +0100

I don’t know that you can worry about the potential for divorce down the road, unless you’re already having problems now. Focusing on the negative, feeding that energy, seems like sprinting down the road to self-fulfilling prophecy to me. We got married young, and met younger. We grew up together, and while that has provided a closeness and a history that cannot be topped, marriage is not as easy as one might hope. It’s a choice, staying married. Loving is a choice, too. So you make it or you don’t. I’ve known people who have divorced after a year, and some after 30. Neither expected to divorce.

As for choosing the right forever person, I think if you can find someone who delights you at 80% of the time, s/he’s a keeper. You can’t do much better than that. Waiting for better to come ’round the corner, assuming there always is better, will just leave a person tired and jaded, methinks.

by: rocky

Thu, 23 Jun 2005 13:00:59 +0100

medussa, while i know that many couples stay together for their kids and consider it the ultimate sacrifice, i really think it is the worst decision…

i have a friend who finally filed for divorce after 18 years of a marriage that neither were terribly satisfied with…her kids seem much better off seeing their parents happier but separate than suffering together.

by: medussa

Thu, 23 Jun 2005 12:08:29 +0100

Hey rocky, i really really want to show this post of urs to my parents and tell them ‘learn a thing or two’. it’s high time. oxymoronically speaking, my antagonism towards marraige and yet viewing it as a serious thing stem from the same source i.e. my parents marriage. They never realized how their tiffs affect their children and the enviroment of the house. i tell them that now i know what i EXactly dont WANT a marriage to be like.i.e. the kinda thing where people are not living together out of choice and are merely rehearsing a script.

by: rocky

Thu, 23 Jun 2005 11:58:52 +0100

wow fleecey, you definitely hit the nail on the head!! i always wondered how i could be commitment phobic and anti-marriage if i witnessed such an awesome relationship everyday…

anyway, i didn’t really believe in divorce as an option for me either, but lately, i’ve decided that perhaps it is just better to take the plunge. the WORST that could happen is a divorce, and the best could be ‘forever’.

i wouldn’t ever get married because i’m getting too old, don’t want to end up alone or the so-called pressure, but perhaps just wanting to try it out/take a chance, because it feels right, isn’t such a bad reason (even while you doubt that it will be forever)?

by: EasyJetsetter

Thu, 23 Jun 2005 07:29:05 +0100

Fleecy’s right, it’s BECAUSE my parents have been together for 36 years that I am a hideous commitment phobe.

I know that if I fall in love with someone enough to want to marry him/her (keeping my options open), that could be it, forever, because that’s what marriage is, staying together. There are only two reasons to divorce: unfaithfulness and abuse.

Too many people focus on, as you say, the social value of “being married” and on the wedding, not the marriage.

Anyway, this is a beautiful piece. Thanks.