the good, the bad, the ugly
weird news:
for those who got the e-mail announcing this blog, remember i said that i wanted to name my daughter ‘rocky’ and my son ‘baby’? and you guys thought i was either retarded or exceptionally cruel.
well, it turns out that there are stranger parents out there. i got a mail from a guy today whose last name is actually BABY. in fact, he has the WEIRDEST name:
Br@ms Berr@d@ B@by (@ was used instead of an ‘a’ because i don’t want him to land here after googling himself)
and a few months back, i got an e-mail from a guy called: ‘inn0cent ud0chukwu’
now THAT is exceptionally cruel.
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weekend wrap-up / useless news:
i’m hooked on to ‘desperate housewives’. i feel terrible about it because i am usually extremely anti-sitcoms. i watched 14 episodes over the last four days.
i pampered myself by going for a manicure & pedicure (note to ali: i went for RED…happy?).
i have realized that of late, i feel unmoved by films. this is very unusual. i don’t know whether it’s just that the films are bad or i’m a cold, unfeeling beyatch. the only one that was slightly decent was ‘happenstance’. it reminded me of this poem (”love at first sight, by Wislawa Szymborska).
in other news, i have decided that i NEED to pick up some activity. i feel tired and ache all over every morning, when i wake up…it has to be the lack of exercise. i’m the laziest person i know: i pay by the hour to park my car right outside the entrance of my building, when it’s free to park it 3 minutes away (i just can’t be arsed to walk that much). my ex-gym called me up for the 10th time to ask whether i’d like to renew my membership. when i explained that i had visited the gym a whopping 5 times in 18 months, the girl realized that i was a lost cause.
you know what? lack of fat is a bit of a curse. at least if i was chubbier, my narcissism would have driven me to the gym or yoga class and i’d be fitter. as it stands, i look thin but am the most unfit old cow ever.
please make me feel bad/worse so that i pick up some sort of activity.
tell me i’ll die young or something.
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scary fucking shit:
you know i hate my city… i hate it because of a myriad of reasons - the latest addition is the fact that it is full of unbelievably frustrated men. remember my psycho stalker (he’s been quiet for a while now, so he’s no longer a worry)? well, last wednesday, i picked up my sis and drove home. after i parked up in a dirt lot right outside my building (but of course), she whispered that there was a man standing in the corner, with his dick hanging out. shocked, i walked over and realized that he was wanking, while watching the two of us!!! just like that, in public, at eleven in the night! i was SO fucking mad that i walked closer and whacked him with my hand bag (it was full of things, so it was quite heavy). before i could do anything else though, he just turned, grabbed me, and squeezed my boobs!! i screamed REALLY loud and he ran off.
i was stunned for about 5 seconds.
and then i burst out laughing.
as most of you know, i constantly make fun of my ’small but perfectly formed’ (as one man chose to describe them) breasts. there REALLY isn’t much to grab at…so the poor guy really got the short end of the stick.
anyway, i’m being extremely careful after that and this is actually one of the reasons i’d like to take up some activity again (like kickboxing), so that instead of being terribly, pathetically girly and hitting with a purse, next time, i can beat such men to pulp.
I went to schoool with 2 sisters one called Sky and the other Blue! Over here the most common cruel ones are Justin Case or Theresa Green. I had to be careful with naming my kids because if their middle names began with vowels you would potentially be able to make words and not generally good ones!
Trust me when I say even as a narcissist you wouldn’t necessarily (ooh the aliteration!) more more inclined to go down the ghyme. Speaking personally as the Michelin Man I feel no compulsion to go there at all. However getting fit is a good move, if you don’t do it then soon I’ll be fitter than you and then you’ll be ashamed. I am doing your actual sport stuff this week!
I remember a friend of mine while I lived in Germany was sat reading a book on a park bench when a man reached from behind grabbed her tit and said “May I…?” somewhat after the event! She was speechless at the bare-faced cheek that it took her a couple of seconds to shift off down the street at pace. She wasn’t to know the park was notorious for the Flashamac brigade!
Your purse defence may not have been a bad one since in my experience a lady’s purse has about the same mass as a bowling ball on account of it’s Tardis like qualities. it’s well known that Pandora’s box was a Prada.
Comment by Red Baron — June 27, 2005 @ 1:30 pm
Haha, the short end of his stick anyway! *grin* That was hilarious…. people have the strangest, strangest ways of playing out their fantasies.
As for weird names, live in the Asia Pacific long enough and you come across people who give themselves names like Girlie and Happy and, yeah, Baby. Among others that aren’t as benign anyway.
Comment by C — June 27, 2005 @ 1:59 pm
baron, it’s funny actually, i bought that purse a day before, because it was bigger and i could half my possessions in it. it definitely came in handy!
C, i’ve heard of Happy and even Shiny, as well as Goldie!
As far as the not so benign ones: My dad told me about a guy who showed up at his work called Chodu (which means ‘fucker’ in urdu) - he really took the piss out of him and his family for naming him that!
Comment by rocky — June 27, 2005 @ 2:22 pm
Pathans have monopolised the funny name market in Pakistan. Some I have personally known include Samandar(Ocean), Darya(River), Gul(Flower), Mast(Crazy), Faulad(Steel), Behr(Ocean), Gulab(Rose), and Sher(Lion). The last one is actually an uncle who will spend the rest of his life explaining to Americans how he and Cher don’t have the same name. And to top it off these are all men. I know of a senator from FATA who named his newborn Senate Khan after he got elected.
As for your unfitness, take up some excercise or soon you’ll die or something. Red is good and all but I need proof.
Scary Shit: No Shit! Are you out of your mind. Do you seriously want to get raped in front of your door. If a man is brazen enough to jack off in public sight and grab the love muffins, he is dangerous enough to take it further. Be careful.
Comment by ali — June 27, 2005 @ 2:31 pm
I’m with Ali. Don’t go courting trouble, Rocky, please. Enough comes around on its own.
Comment by Kristie — June 27, 2005 @ 3:14 pm
I had an aunty called Pyaari. And another woman in my family is nicknamed Booby (not b’coz of the boobs - just short for her real name - and my grandparents perhaps didn’t know the english Boob’s meaning before nicknaming her that).
Comment by Jon — June 27, 2005 @ 8:52 pm
jon, ‘booby’ takes the cake. thank god my parents never named me something like that…it would have been terribly ironic & extremely embarrassing!
Comment by rocky — June 28, 2005 @ 11:54 am
I have an aunt named Booby too - apparently short from Lubna !!! Oh and one called Poppie
Comment by shamzaid — June 28, 2005 @ 3:31 pm
I asked my Dad for my birth certificate when I was accepted to go to university in England. Never having seen it before, I opened it up to discover that my first name there was …you guessed it …Baby. It seems that my parents couldn’t quite make up their minds as to what to call me. And the doctors concluded that a baby was, well, a baby. I ended up telling the University that my parents had lost the certificate.
Comment by uberhomme — July 1, 2005 @ 12:23 pm
I know of a certain young Desi lady who, because whe was born so prematurely, wasn’t expected to live. Her parents were so distraugt that they didn’t actually name her until the registration papers were pushed into their hands - hence her “real” name is that of a Bulgarian character in a spy novel her mother was reading at the time. At least, that’s the story. Bearing in mind they called her brother Yuri after a certain cosmonaut, I’m not so sure, but at least their family name isn’t Gagarin, which would have been terrible. Thank heavens my parents would never, ever have considered doing anything like that to me.
Comment by actualfactual — July 3, 2005 @ 3:18 pm
hey rock star,
u really know how to give it to em, eh? u shudda try stuffing de purse with bricks next week.. classic cartoon scenario! 
PS: the name game DOES sound very cruel!
Comment by closetalk — July 6, 2005 @ 7:22 am
Ahem…Rundee, it’s long past time for a new post, non?
Oui.
Comment by Kristie — July 9, 2005 @ 4:11 pm
Or atleast an excuse for not posting
Comment by ali — July 10, 2005 @ 7:01 am
i’m too bored (by everything) to post.
anyone wants to guest post? e-mail me.
Comment by rocky — July 10, 2005 @ 2:41 pm
i remembered the time when sitting in the public transport and being the only female there, a guy tried to sit next to me 9and u know how in pakiland its supposed to be striclty segregated and for the right reason too. i started screaming and cursing him and when finally he got up, i shockingly realized in the dingy semi-lit darkness of the bus that the guy’s johnson was erect.(which was quite an unusal sight for me) Boy i was sooo furious that i wanted to hit him with my purse…..but alas…But hey still rocky….i need u to be careful….these perverts wont learn a lesson anyways….
Comment by medussa — July 10, 2005 @ 7:53 pm
I knew a German expat in Karachi whose love-child parents named him “Berndt Deutscher”, which even with my limited German sort of cracks me up. “Berndt the German(ic)”??? No shit!
I’ll guest blog if you like. Say the word.
Comment by Sin — July 11, 2005 @ 9:01 am