lilac wine
i went to a friend’s performance the other day (he sings incredibly well - some of you might remember him as the english teacher/singer that i was ’seeing’ last year). he introduced me to jeff buckley last year with his rendition of ‘we all fall in love sometimes’ (great song). and this time, he sang ‘lilac wine’ which is haunting.
When I think more than I want to think
Do things I never should do
I drink much more that I ought to drink
Because it brings me back you
haven’t we all been there?
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so once again, it’s thrusday night. i have a number of options, none very appealing. i have invites to the top parties in town and messages from the clubs keep flooding my mobile inbox, all claiming to be “the venue” with the best DJ, the best drinks and the usual marketing bs.
what does one do when they get tired of quiet nights in and repulsed by mad parties? there isn’t an in-between, at least not in my city.
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i find my job extremely frustrating.
i think it is because i have to deal with people. i suck at dealing with people, because most of them are stupid.
or perhaps i am too arrogant.
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this is a pretty pointless post, isn’t it? but then, aren’t they all? i am shamed by the story telling abilities of the crew on my sidebar. on top of that, i miss my old home (blog) - it allowed me to be far more whiny than i can here…i don’t know why.
you know how we all crave routine/order in chaos? the reverse holds true, doesn’t it? sometimes, one just wants something, anything to break the monotony of knowing exactly how tomorrow will begin and end. there are times when our cushy lifestyle is severly lacking in ‘life’…when eating, sleeping, fucking, working, writing, whining, all the bloody ‘ings’ aren’t enough.
i am convinced that there has to be more.
do you think it is normal to sometimes think of shooting your brains out, just to add some excitement to the dullness of life?
i know that has to be the most morbid thing i’ve ever said, but the thought often crosses my mind. i am too much of a narcissist/superficial (and ill equipped) bitch to ever seriously consider it since you know, i’d end up looking like one ugly corpse then. plus, i’m relatively content. and that’s all i ever wanted.
they were right though, sometimes it is a bitch to get what you wanted.
It’s not what you thought
when you first began it
You got what you want
now you can hardly stand it, though
well, now you know
It’s not going to stop
It’s not going to stop.
(aimee mann, wise up)
