untitled because i can’t be arsed to come up with one
i read a fantastic book (the kite runner) over the weekend…i actually had to skip work on saturday, because i didn’t sleep till seven in the morning - it was one of those books that i couldn’t put down.
immediately after, i looked up reviews of it online. i was slightly depressed to read the criticism, a lot of which was admittedly well-deserved: “contrived”, “implausible plot turns”, “cliched”, “whiny, pathetic hero”, etc. and of course, the timing - shortly on the heels of the war on afghanistan, a touching story about an afghani boy is told. charming.
i still loved it though.
there are few things comparable to being absorbed completely in someone else’s world, via visuals or words. selfishly, it helps us forget or mimizes our problems, for the problems worthy of being communicated through film and books are often far bigger than a bad hair day or a job one hates.
the book revolved around two childhood friends and one’s desperation to earn his father’s love and approval. he was willing to go to any length for it, and he did. and he got what he wanted but it didn’t feel as good as it should have, because of the cost he paid for it.
i think almost everyone can relate to wanting to make the parents feel proud, happy and make them love us.
i think i am still doing it.
i realized, with quite a shock last night, that almost all of my desire to settle down had to do with the look i imagined on my parents faces, on hearing the news. while quite unlike most paki parents, they haven’t paired me off with someone yet, nor tried to arrange any marriage, i know that it is right there…they want to see their kids ’settled’ before the end of their lives. and while i don’t really want to marry, nor believe that it could last forever (for me), sometimes, i know that i would do it, simply to please them.
so much in my life revolves around pleasing them…
i am still living with them, primarily because of that hurt look i’ll get if i tell them i am moving out.
i have started to chase huge commissions and paychecks, only to ensure that my parents never have to worry about money, as they grow older. i want to see them taking vacations, buying their dream cars and house, playing golf and enjoying their years, not having to worry about a thing.
almost all my focus, as i grow older, is on making them happy. and it is not in a self-sacrifical, noble, holier than thou way. it’s just in a laid back, ‘i am doing this because i want to, because they deserve it’ kinda way.
i want to be the best daughter…i have their love and affection and the thought of losing it terrifies me.
i suppose that’s why i could relate to the little boy in the book, who did quite a horrible thing, just because his fathers love was more important to him, than anything else in the world.
i question myself often though…am i just hiding behind my parents and their goals? i even wonder whether i will end up hating them for the amount of influence they unknowingly exert on each decision of mine.
may be in a couple of decades, i will regret all that i did, but for now, it just feels right.
*********************
also, on another note, i haven’t been posting much because i am suffering from the “shit, i am growing a year older” blues. the big day is only three days away and i’m depressed…i was supposed to be in amsterdam or anywhere else. however, obviously, due to my laziness and that of those who were supposed to accompany me, it never panned out. and i am stuck with the same superficial crew that i don’t really want to be with, but HAVE to invite. i wish my blog/virtual friends, who feel more real than the real life friends i have, were here…
if i write in the next few days, it is ONLY going to be to whine excessively, like a li’l bitch.
consider yourself warned.
How old r u gonna be??
Wish you a fantastic birthday you old cow
Comment by Dan — August 16, 2005 @ 2:20 pm
Bring it on rundi! Thats what blogging is for!:)
Btw you didnt mention who got you that incredible book as an early b-day present!:)
Comment by Mona — August 16, 2005 @ 2:32 pm
27, dan…old cow is right!
and yes, MONA, my bestest friend ever, sent me two great books and lots of yummy goodies as an early gift.
Comment by rocky — August 16, 2005 @ 2:58 pm
hehehe.. hey, “lil bitch” - friday’s not gonna be all dat bad after all, babe! wish u all de very best, in advance!
Comment by closetalk — August 16, 2005 @ 3:02 pm
See, I was just the opposite. I spent the first 27 years living for my folks. I finally stopped, and it was the best (although not easiest) decision I ever made. If you’re happy doing what you’re doing, then it’s fine. If you’re not, best to reflect on your choices.
Comment by Princess Kristie — August 16, 2005 @ 3:10 pm
i think its great that you are so close to your parents. i’ve never been all that close to mine. we are just very different people i guess.
and 27 is not old.
Comment by stone — August 16, 2005 @ 4:16 pm
happy birthday, and don’t worry about only posting to whine, that’s all i ever do anymore.
Comment by tim — August 16, 2005 @ 5:11 pm
hi rocky. i missed you.
Comment by ghost — August 16, 2005 @ 6:08 pm
I loved that book too. But it sometimes terrifies me, the things we do to keep our parents happy.
Comment by Sin — August 16, 2005 @ 8:29 pm
Girls in late twenties / early thirties have the most fun.
and i know wot im talkin about
Comment by Dan — August 17, 2005 @ 11:54 am
Parents. Can’t live with or without them. They should be inspirational but they makes us aspirational. Everything you write, down to the punctuation, could apply just as easily to mine. Enjoy the Birthday. They get much worse as one plods along.
Comment by uberhomme — August 17, 2005 @ 3:00 pm
Hey there,
It’s my birthday today not sure how I feel about that one.
The Kite Runner is an excellet book, depressing as F** though.
Have you read ‘’Shantaram'’ that’s another one of those books that you cant put down, it’s bloody massive thouigh, you would need to take a week off work for that one!!
hang in there
paddy
Comment by Paddy — August 18, 2005 @ 5:21 am
Sarah! 35 is the new 21! Lighten up, galfriend, you have years of fun ahead of you:) Kisses xoxoxo.
Comment by silvertassles — August 18, 2005 @ 10:19 pm
Ahem, you must have the wrong blog Silvertassles.
Happy Birthday, Rocky! I still want your ass.
Comment by Kristie — August 19, 2005 @ 6:13 am
Is 35 really the new 21, rock and roll, I’m 19 again!
Of course by the strange enigma that is our twinship it is not my birthday today but Happy Birthday to you sister dearest you are almost at the stage when you have to have a Fire Safety Certificate for the candles on your cake!
Comment by Red Baron — August 19, 2005 @ 10:28 am
Proverb for the day
عشق کر دیتا ہے بہتر کو بھی اس سے بہت
Guess who’s been on the BBC Urdu site?!
Comment by Red Baron — August 19, 2005 @ 10:48 am
Damn I should have waited - I found this one, that’s priceless. I know the English for it and yet I have no idea what it actually means!
جو بڑھیا سے کرے بیاہ ۔ پشٹی رکھ لے پہلے پ
Comment by Red Baron — August 19, 2005 @ 10:51 am
Baron, the urdu is wrong and making absolutely no sense. Why don’t you us give the english so we can try to understand.
Rocky, congrats on taking another step towards the geriatric ward. Don’t let this ‘x is the new y’ buoy your spirits. Numbers don’t lie.
As for the shaadi. Resisitance is futile. You will be assimilated. Make it easy on your self. Give up! Give in!
Comment by ali — August 20, 2005 @ 1:33 am
Bollocks, bloody BBC instruments of the fascist state, mutter mutter.
If I remember rightly the second one was something like if a man marry an older women he must eat an apple before going to bed! That was the English and made no sense so perhaps the Urdu is correct it’s simply gibberish!
Comment by Red Baron — August 20, 2005 @ 9:45 am
baron, i’m glad ali is the one who broke that to you…i have NO clue what your e-mail or the above was!!
it was EXTREMELY sweet of you to try though!
thanks everyone for the birthday wishes…it was fabulous.
more details, soon.
Comment by rocky — August 20, 2005 @ 1:11 pm
I thought you had to eat fish before bedding an old woman.
Comment by ali — August 20, 2005 @ 4:14 pm