famished for meaning

easy jetsetter’s comment on my last post made me realize that i’ve never written about my parents relationship. i guess it is something really sacred to me, which is why i feel that i may trivialize it by blogging about it.

i am not sure where my anti-marriage ideas stem from…i don’t know how or when i decided that marriage was a stupid idea and couldn’t possibly work. as i grow older though, i realize that my views are always either too idealistic or too cynical. i always thought that IF i married, it would have to be with someone i thought i could live with forever (anything less was stupid). yet, i also knew that i (probably) could never spend ‘forever’ with someone.

i’ve decided that i need to let go of my extreme ideas…and take chances. i think it was a conversation with my dad that helped change my mind. my mom was out of town for a day and he called me the evening that i was supposed to pick her up to make sure i would get his wife to him, safe and sound. and then he said that his friends had invited him over to their place but he declined saying that he was depressed because wifey was out of town. he said, “everything seems horrible without her, even YOU guys”. i laughed and told him that she’d only gone for ONE night, get over it.

he never realized it, in fact, i don’t know whether either of them realize how much i admire their love. i appreciate the fact that we have NEVER seen them fight in front of us…i have never heard either of them say anything bad about each other (unless you count the funny remarks regarding each others weight or choices in films or opposite sex). everytime i come home, they’re lying together on the bed, hugging, and watching TV. when she’s standing around in the kitchen, he comes up and hugs her from behind or pinches her ass! he doesn’t let her shut the bathroom door, because he feels that it puts too much distance between them! he doesn’t go anywhere (except to work), even when it is just to run an errand, without her. they hold hands. they still get each other flowers and cards.

and they still shag!!

oops! too much information?

anyway, apparently my dad was as commitment phobic as i am and really had no intention of marrying…on his wedding night, he quite honestly confessed to my mom that he was pretty sure he had made a mistake and that he would be divorcing her after three to six months, since that was the longest he could envision staying with someone. thirty years down the line, he realizes that he was kinda off with that estimate!

so while the world around me convinces me that all relationships are doomed from the start, that marriage is the begining of the end, coming home to my parents fills me with some sort of hope and the secret desire to find something close to what they have, even if it is just for a short while.